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Captioning made possible
By mgm home entertainment
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Oliver: ♪ green acres
Is the place to be ♪
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♪ farm livin' is
The life for me ♪
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♪ land spreadin'
Out so far and wide ♪
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♪ keep manhattan, just
Give me that countryside ♪
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Lisa: ♪ new york ♪
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♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪
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♪ I get allergic ♪
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♪ smelling hay ♪
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♪ I just adore a
Penthouse view ♪
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♪ darling, I love you ♪
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♪ but give me park avenue ♪
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♪ the chores ♪
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♪ the stores ♪
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♪ fresh air ♪
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♪ times square ♪
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♪ you are my wife ♪
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♪ good-bye, city life ♪
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Both: ♪ green acres,
We are there ♪
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♪ oh, her hair was long
And her sea was strong ♪
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♪ and the waves
Were big and rough ♪
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♪ they were mountain-high
And they hit her in the eye ♪
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♪ and swept her
Off into the stuff ♪
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♪ oh, shed a tear for gertrude ♪
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♪ at the bottom of the sea ♪
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♪ yes, shed a tear
For gertrude ♪
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♪ and shed a tear for me ♪
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♪ oh, the captain... ♪
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Eb! Eb! What's that
Song you're singing?
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Oh, that's a folk
Song my pappy learned
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In this little town
He was borned in.
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They wrote folks
Songs about practically
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Everything that ever happened.
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Oh, yeah, yeah, I know.
When I was in school
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I used to go around
In vacation time
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And collect folk songs.
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In fact, I wrote a few myself.
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I'd take an old local legend,
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I'd set it to music...
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00:01:56,933 --> 00:01:59,100
Say, mr. Douglas, maybe
You could write a song about
41
00:01:59,169 --> 00:02:02,103
That thing that happened
Around here over 100 years ago.
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00:02:02,172 --> 00:02:03,905
You see, there was this woman.
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00:02:03,973 --> 00:02:06,541
Her name was...
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00:02:06,610 --> 00:02:08,476
Her name was what?
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00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:10,011
Molly turgiss.
46
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Uh-oh.
47
00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:14,148
What about molly?
48
00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:15,783
Don't say it!
49
00:02:15,852 --> 00:02:17,330
What's the matter with you?
50
00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:18,831
What's the local legend?
51
00:02:18,855 --> 00:02:20,822
I'm sorry. I said
More than I should've.
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00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,669
But you started to tell me...
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If you need me, I'll be hidin'.
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Molly turgiss?
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Uh, lisa, have you seen...
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00:02:39,509 --> 00:02:40,709
What are you doing?
57
00:02:40,777 --> 00:02:42,689
I'm making a whole
Electrical breakfast.
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Electrical toast,
Electrical coffee,
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And electrical eggs.
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00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:48,516
Yeah, but don't forget now,
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00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,252
You can't add up to
More than a seven,
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00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,953
And that coffee
Pot's already a 3.
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Darling, how long
Have I been here?
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Um, 7 months.
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Good-bye.
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00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:58,427
Where you going?
67
00:02:58,495 --> 00:03:00,729
I only promised to stay 6.
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00:03:00,797 --> 00:03:03,197
You promised to stay another 6.
69
00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:05,612
Well, that's because
You got me drunk.
70
00:03:05,636 --> 00:03:06,701
I what?
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00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:09,804
Just like you did when
You got me to marry you.
72
00:03:09,873 --> 00:03:13,207
Why do you think up
These wild stories?
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00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:15,243
I like to get you mad.
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00:03:15,312 --> 00:03:17,646
All right, I'm mad. Now
Make me some breakfast.
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00:03:17,714 --> 00:03:18,647
All right.
76
00:03:18,715 --> 00:03:20,715
I pull out the 6,
And put in the 2.
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00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,094
Take out the one, put in the 4.
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00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:26,588
Pull out the 3 and
Put in... I missed.
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00:03:26,657 --> 00:03:28,423
Now, I got to fix the generator.
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00:03:28,492 --> 00:03:29,924
You better, darling,
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00:03:29,993 --> 00:03:31,571
Because the ziffels
Are coming to dinner,
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And I want to cook them
A whole electrical dinner.
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What about breakfast?
84
00:03:36,099 --> 00:03:37,377
Well, if you want some coffee,
85
00:03:37,401 --> 00:03:38,478
You'd better light the stove.
86
00:03:38,502 --> 00:03:40,580
There's some paper
In the washing machine.
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00:03:40,604 --> 00:03:41,836
Washing machine?
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00:03:41,905 --> 00:03:44,183
I always keep it there
Because I never use it.
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00:03:44,207 --> 00:03:45,640
You see, it's a 6,
90
00:03:45,709 --> 00:03:47,353
And the refrigerator
Goes all the time,
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00:03:47,377 --> 00:03:48,755
And if I plug in the
Washing machine,
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You know what happens.
93
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:51,879
Uh-huh. I just saw.
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00:03:51,948 --> 00:03:53,748
All right...
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00:03:53,817 --> 00:03:57,819
Oh, lisa! My music!
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00:03:57,887 --> 00:03:59,987
What's this doing in there?
You know what this is!
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00:04:00,056 --> 00:04:02,657
Yes, your solk fongs.
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00:04:02,726 --> 00:04:06,328
My... My folk songs.
99
00:04:06,396 --> 00:04:10,799
I sometimes get the
S-ses mixed up with f-ses.
100
00:04:10,867 --> 00:04:12,434
Yes, I know you do.
101
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,101
Lots of people do.
102
00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:18,172
What did you put my solk... Oh!
103
00:04:18,241 --> 00:04:20,641
You have trouble
With the f-ses, too?
104
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,977
That's not the
Only trouble I have.
105
00:04:23,046 --> 00:04:25,480
Do you have wubble-u
Troubles, too?
106
00:04:25,549 --> 00:04:28,383
When you get the wubble-us
Mixed up with the wees?
107
00:04:28,452 --> 00:04:30,385
No. I've been spared that one.
108
00:04:30,454 --> 00:04:31,731
You haven't been
Starting the fire
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00:04:31,755 --> 00:04:33,588
With my folk songs, have you?
110
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No, I don't think so.
111
00:04:35,225 --> 00:04:37,492
It took a long time to
Collect these, you know.
112
00:04:37,561 --> 00:04:39,160
Oh, here's one!
113
00:04:39,229 --> 00:04:41,696
I found this one
In the everglades.
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00:04:41,765 --> 00:04:45,032
the day lizzie taylor
Got et by the alligator.
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Here's one I found down
In the blue ridge mountains.
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♪ who pulled the trigger
On little harry bigger ♪
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They're all sad.
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Maybe they are, but
That's all part of america.
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If it wasn't for
These folk songs,
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00:04:56,179 --> 00:04:58,145
A lot of the old legends
Would've been lost.
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Well, I wouldn't care if
Some of them got lost.
122
00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:03,885
You know, there's
A folk story about
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00:05:03,953 --> 00:05:05,887
Something that happened
Here in hooterville.
124
00:05:05,955 --> 00:05:07,088
Oh? Yeah.
125
00:05:07,156 --> 00:05:09,657
How many people got wiped out?
126
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,826
I don't know.
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00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:13,428
I don't know anything
About it except
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00:05:13,497 --> 00:05:15,329
It's about somebody
Named molly turgiss.
129
00:05:18,802 --> 00:05:21,736
Huh. I thought I fixed that.
130
00:05:23,807 --> 00:05:25,251
Good morning, mr. Drucker.
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Morning, mr. Douglas,
Mrs. Douglas.
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00:05:27,110 --> 00:05:28,354
How are you, mr. Drucker?
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I'm just fine. Care for
A freshly dusted apple?
134
00:05:32,148 --> 00:05:33,393
No, thank you.
135
00:05:33,417 --> 00:05:34,927
Is there something I
Can do for you folks?
136
00:05:34,951 --> 00:05:36,596
Yes, you can answer a question.
137
00:05:36,620 --> 00:05:38,820
Eb's been telling me
Of a local legend...
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00:05:38,855 --> 00:05:41,100
Darling, I have
To do my shopping.
139
00:05:41,124 --> 00:05:42,535
The ziffels are
Coming for dinner.
140
00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:43,691
Oh! What'll you have?
141
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,060
Have you got any guitar picks?
142
00:05:46,129 --> 00:05:48,996
Yeah, but there ain't
Much nourishment on them.
143
00:05:49,065 --> 00:05:52,834
I didn't mean that we
Were gonna serve them.
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00:05:52,903 --> 00:05:55,804
I play a little guitar, and
I thought after dinner...
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00:05:55,872 --> 00:05:57,683
Oh, darling, are
You going to sing
146
00:05:57,707 --> 00:05:59,251
Some of your sad solk fongs?
147
00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:01,075
Solk fongs?
148
00:06:01,144 --> 00:06:02,944
Have you got any guitar picks?
149
00:06:03,012 --> 00:06:05,713
Yeah. You'll find them
Over in the music department
150
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:07,515
Between the ish kabibble kazoos
151
00:06:07,584 --> 00:06:10,017
And the rudy vallee megaphones.
152
00:06:10,086 --> 00:06:11,786
Ok, I'll find them.
153
00:06:11,855 --> 00:06:14,166
Here's my list, mr. Drucker.
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00:06:14,190 --> 00:06:17,258
Let's see, 6 jars of cay-vee...
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Caviar.
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00:06:18,495 --> 00:06:21,629
Oh, of course. Ahem.
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00:06:23,099 --> 00:06:25,232
Looks like we're
Fresh out of them.
158
00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:26,468
What are they?
159
00:06:26,536 --> 00:06:29,804
They're little and round
And black and come from...
160
00:06:29,873 --> 00:06:32,106
Oh, oliver! What is a caviar?
161
00:06:32,175 --> 00:06:33,240
Fish eggs.
162
00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:35,810
Oh. Oh! Fish eggs!
163
00:06:35,879 --> 00:06:38,279
Here you are. "Knock
'em dead fish eggs."
164
00:06:38,348 --> 00:06:40,915
They'll get you a trout
Even during mating season.
165
00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:42,762
I wouldn't want
To disturb anybody
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00:06:42,786 --> 00:06:45,052
During mating season.
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00:06:45,121 --> 00:06:47,722
Uh, how much is
This guitar pick?
168
00:06:47,791 --> 00:06:52,293
Is that a john philip
Sousa or an eddie peabody?
169
00:06:52,362 --> 00:06:54,328
It doesn't have any name on it.
170
00:06:54,397 --> 00:06:56,965
Oh. I can let you
Have that for 15 cents.
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00:06:57,033 --> 00:06:58,110
Darling, please, can't you do
172
00:06:58,134 --> 00:06:59,311
Your shopping somewhere else?
173
00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:00,267
I'm sorry!
174
00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:02,604
What is this patty foy?
175
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,238
Paté de foie gras.
176
00:07:04,307 --> 00:07:07,842
Oh... Of course.
177
00:07:07,911 --> 00:07:09,677
4 cans, please.
178
00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:12,981
4 cans of foy gras.
179
00:07:16,052 --> 00:07:18,152
Well, looks like
We're out of that, too.
180
00:07:18,221 --> 00:07:19,861
Doggone, I sure have
A run on these things
181
00:07:19,923 --> 00:07:21,322
This time of year.
182
00:07:21,391 --> 00:07:25,359
I imagine they clean you
Out of foie gras in no time.
183
00:07:25,428 --> 00:07:28,029
Honey, enough of
This fancy stuff here.
184
00:07:28,097 --> 00:07:29,542
What are you gonna
Serve for dinner?
185
00:07:29,566 --> 00:07:31,933
Well, I thought something simple
186
00:07:32,002 --> 00:07:34,135
Like lobster thermidor.
187
00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:35,436
That's simple?
188
00:07:35,505 --> 00:07:37,282
Yes. You just get a lobster
189
00:07:37,306 --> 00:07:39,251
And you put it in the thermidor.
190
00:07:39,275 --> 00:07:41,843
I don't think we
Have a thermidor.
191
00:07:41,912 --> 00:07:46,147
That's good, 'cause I sold
My last lobster 3 years ago.
192
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:48,227
I never had so much
Trouble in the city
193
00:07:48,251 --> 00:07:49,651
Giving a dinner party.
194
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:52,520
I got a couple of steaks
In the freezer in back.
195
00:07:52,589 --> 00:07:55,657
Steaks? Well, how
Do you cook those?
196
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:58,826
I'll barbecue them.
You got any charcoal?
197
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:01,062
Yes, sir. Sure thing.
198
00:08:01,130 --> 00:08:02,296
That big enough?
199
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:07,669
Oh, yeah, that's... Burgess?
Now, what does that...
200
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,571
That reminds me.
When I came in here,
201
00:08:09,639 --> 00:08:11,759
I started to ask you something
About this local legend
202
00:08:11,808 --> 00:08:13,541
About a woman
Named molly turgiss.
203
00:08:18,982 --> 00:08:22,383
Now you did it, mr. Douglas!
Didn't you see that sign?
204
00:08:27,390 --> 00:08:29,390
Who is "You-know-who"?
205
00:08:29,459 --> 00:08:30,892
You-know-who is mo...
206
00:08:30,961 --> 00:08:33,661
Is who you said that
Busted the pickle barrel.
207
00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:36,163
Oh, you don't mean just
Because I mentioned...
208
00:08:36,232 --> 00:08:37,599
Don't mention it!
209
00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:40,068
I don't understand what
Busted the pickle barrel.
210
00:08:40,136 --> 00:08:41,235
What's the mystery?
211
00:08:41,304 --> 00:08:43,204
Just forget about
It, mr. Douglas.
212
00:08:43,272 --> 00:08:44,538
But you...
213
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:46,874
What happened to you-know-who
Happened a long time ago.
214
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,776
Let's just leave it that way.
215
00:08:55,184 --> 00:08:58,219
Aw, come on, fred. The
Douglases are expecting us.
216
00:08:58,287 --> 00:09:00,354
I ain't a-goin'. Why not?
217
00:09:00,423 --> 00:09:03,124
Because he's gonna ask
Me about you-know-who,
218
00:09:03,192 --> 00:09:04,737
Just like he did sam drucker.
219
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,728
That don't mean
He's gonna ask you.
220
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,507
I ain't takin' no chances.
221
00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:10,297
Oh, you're not
Taking any chances
222
00:09:10,366 --> 00:09:12,734
Mentioning molly turgiss.
223
00:09:15,204 --> 00:09:17,839
What'd you knock my hat off for?
224
00:09:17,907 --> 00:09:19,351
I didn't touch your hat.
225
00:09:19,375 --> 00:09:20,875
Well, somebody knocked it off!
226
00:09:20,944 --> 00:09:22,376
It was you-know-who.
227
00:09:22,445 --> 00:09:25,446
Don't try and tell me
It was molly turgiss!
228
00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:31,019
Ok, fred, come on, on your feet.
229
00:09:31,087 --> 00:09:32,087
Come on, let's go!
230
00:09:32,122 --> 00:09:33,332
I ain't movin'.
231
00:09:33,356 --> 00:09:38,292
Aw, fred, I spent all
Afternoon pressin' my hat
232
00:09:38,361 --> 00:09:40,628
And arnold took a bath.
233
00:09:40,697 --> 00:09:44,198
Well, arnold don't
Want to go no more'n I do.
234
00:09:44,267 --> 00:09:46,801
He wants to stay and
Watch the beverly hillbillies.
235
00:09:49,305 --> 00:09:51,639
Ok, on your feet,
Both of you. Come on.
236
00:09:51,708 --> 00:09:54,008
Ohh, all right, I'll go.
237
00:09:54,077 --> 00:09:56,711
But if he mentions her
Just once, I'm leavin'.
238
00:09:56,780 --> 00:09:58,445
He ain't gonna mention her,
239
00:09:58,514 --> 00:10:01,448
And if you'll be nice,
We'll have a real good time.
240
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,718
♪ so-o-o ♪
241
00:10:03,787 --> 00:10:05,631
♪ ol' john brody, he
Rose from his bed ♪
242
00:10:05,655 --> 00:10:07,533
♪ and he picked up a shovel
And he hit her on the head ♪
243
00:10:07,557 --> 00:10:12,293
♪ down fell bess,
Stone cold dead ♪
244
00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:16,831
♪ oh-de-lay-ee, with
A hi diddle diddle ♪
245
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:18,199
♪ and a ninny ninny foo ♪
246
00:10:18,267 --> 00:10:22,036
♪ says he, "Bess
Townsend, I'm rid of you" ♪
247
00:10:24,507 --> 00:10:27,308
He's not through
Yet, mr. Ziffel.
248
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:28,309
Just one more to go.
249
00:10:28,377 --> 00:10:30,455
Well, I guess I can
Sleep through that.
250
00:10:30,479 --> 00:10:33,280
Fred! Go ahead, mr. Douglas.
251
00:10:33,349 --> 00:10:35,083
Thank you.
252
00:10:35,151 --> 00:10:39,053
♪ ohhh, they drug ol' john
To the little county jail ♪
253
00:10:39,122 --> 00:10:41,333
♪ and they put him in the cell
And wouldn't give him bail ♪
254
00:10:41,357 --> 00:10:43,758
♪ and when they strung him
Up and they sprung the trap ♪
255
00:10:43,827 --> 00:10:47,962
♪ he shouted, "I don't
Care, I shut her yap" ♪
256
00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:51,398
Not yet, mr. Ziffel.
257
00:10:51,467 --> 00:10:57,271
♪ oh-de-lay-ee, with
A hi diddle diddle ♪
258
00:10:57,340 --> 00:10:58,906
♪ and a ninny ninny foo ♪
259
00:10:58,975 --> 00:11:01,709
♪ says he, "Bess
Townsend, I'm rid of you" ♪
260
00:11:01,778 --> 00:11:09,778
♪ "Yes, indeed, bess
Townsend, I'm rid of yo-o-ou" ♪
261
00:11:11,454 --> 00:11:13,254
Now, mr. Ziffel.
262
00:11:15,959 --> 00:11:19,093
You know, that song is
Based on a true story.
263
00:11:19,162 --> 00:11:22,329
I got it from an old prospector
In pimpledome, montana.
264
00:11:22,398 --> 00:11:24,232
And if I hadn't put it to music,
265
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:25,811
It might have been lost forever.
266
00:11:25,835 --> 00:11:27,913
What makes you
Think it ain't lost?
267
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,837
Fred, why you bein' so rude?
268
00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:31,583
Because I know what
He's leadin' up to.
269
00:11:31,607 --> 00:11:33,452
He's fixin' to ask me
About you-know-who.
270
00:11:33,476 --> 00:11:35,442
As a matter of fact, I was.
271
00:11:35,511 --> 00:11:37,223
That's it. Come
On. Let's go, doris.
272
00:11:37,247 --> 00:11:38,379
Aw, now, fred!
273
00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:41,015
I told you the minute
He brought her name up
274
00:11:41,084 --> 00:11:42,616
That we was gonna leave.
275
00:11:42,685 --> 00:11:44,418
Now, come on,
Arnold. If we hurry,
276
00:11:44,487 --> 00:11:46,553
We can catch the last
Part of dick van dyke.
277
00:11:48,024 --> 00:11:49,423
Come on.
278
00:11:50,927 --> 00:11:52,004
Good night, folks.
279
00:11:52,028 --> 00:11:53,939
We sure enjoyed the
Dinner and the songs.
280
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,930
I just enjoyed the dinner.
281
00:11:55,999 --> 00:11:56,931
Wait a minute!
282
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,133
Why is it nobody
Wants to talk about...
283
00:11:59,202 --> 00:12:02,937
Ah! Good night, mr. Douglas!
284
00:12:03,006 --> 00:12:06,107
I wonder what the mystery is.
285
00:12:06,176 --> 00:12:07,809
What happened?
286
00:12:07,877 --> 00:12:10,744
What happened was you sang
Too many of your sad songs
287
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:11,946
And they went home,
288
00:12:12,015 --> 00:12:13,659
Just like they used
To do in new york.
289
00:12:13,683 --> 00:12:15,783
We lost some of our best friends
290
00:12:15,852 --> 00:12:17,685
With your solk fongs.
291
00:12:17,753 --> 00:12:20,288
Lisa, I'm talking
About the mystery.
292
00:12:20,356 --> 00:12:21,967
Will you please unhook me?
293
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,424
Aren't you interested?
294
00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:25,504
Hmm? No. Thank you.
295
00:12:25,528 --> 00:12:26,894
Well, I am.
296
00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:28,395
Must be somebody around here
297
00:12:28,464 --> 00:12:30,397
Will tell me about
Molly turgiss.
298
00:12:40,076 --> 00:12:44,545
Mignon, be more careful.
299
00:12:53,656 --> 00:12:55,823
♪ who was ♪
300
00:12:55,892 --> 00:12:58,659
♪ who was molly ♪
301
00:12:58,728 --> 00:13:00,427
♪ what was her folly ♪
302
00:13:02,065 --> 00:13:04,498
♪ what was the story ♪
303
00:13:04,567 --> 00:13:07,335
♪ that sent her to her glory ♪
304
00:13:08,905 --> 00:13:12,974
♪ was it sweet, was it sad ♪
305
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:16,978
♪ was it... Was it
Good, was it bad ♪
306
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:21,548
♪ or was it gruesome and gory ♪
307
00:13:21,617 --> 00:13:24,051
♪ molly, molly ♪
308
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,053
♪ molly turgiss ♪
309
00:13:26,122 --> 00:13:28,389
♪ what is the story of you ♪
310
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,159
Whoa!
311
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,061
Lisa!
312
00:13:34,130 --> 00:13:36,530
What's the matter?
313
00:13:36,599 --> 00:13:37,709
Were you just in here?
314
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:38,900
No.
315
00:13:38,968 --> 00:13:41,035
You sure? Yes.
316
00:13:41,104 --> 00:13:43,637
There was a woman
Standing behind me.
317
00:13:43,706 --> 00:13:46,673
An old hag with
Long stringy hair,
318
00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:48,175
Wrinkles, no teeth.
319
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:50,344
Are you trying to start a fight?
320
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:52,646
Oh, no, no. I just thought that
321
00:13:52,715 --> 00:13:54,193
You were the only
Woman around here.
322
00:13:54,217 --> 00:13:55,361
I must have imagined it.
323
00:13:55,385 --> 00:13:57,919
How could you imagine
That I look like that?
324
00:13:57,987 --> 00:13:59,553
Please, forget it.
325
00:13:59,622 --> 00:14:00,988
All right.
326
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:04,025
Can I unplug you now?
327
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:06,093
Uh, yeah.
328
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:12,466
Molly?
329
00:14:12,535 --> 00:14:13,801
Molly turgiss?
330
00:14:15,338 --> 00:14:16,804
Aah!
331
00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:22,109
So, you want to play
Throwing coffee pots, huh?
332
00:14:22,178 --> 00:14:24,423
I didn't throw any coffee pot.
333
00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,680
Well, if you didn't, who did?
334
00:14:26,749 --> 00:14:29,917
First, it was over there
And then it was over here.
335
00:14:29,986 --> 00:14:33,187
It's got something
To do with that name.
336
00:14:33,256 --> 00:14:35,522
What name? Molly turgiss.
337
00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:45,333
Lisa! That's not very funny,
338
00:14:45,401 --> 00:14:47,901
Throwing a frying pan,
Hitting me in the head!
339
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:49,736
I didn't throw it.
340
00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:51,116
Well, if you didn't, who did?
341
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,274
Perhaps it was the
Same one who didn't
342
00:14:53,343 --> 00:14:55,209
Throw the coffee
Pot, so we are even.
343
00:14:55,278 --> 00:14:56,755
Frying pans and coffee pots
344
00:14:56,779 --> 00:14:59,580
Don't go flying
Around by themselves.
345
00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:00,781
Wait a minute.
346
00:15:00,850 --> 00:15:03,650
There's a word for
That... Poltergeist.
347
00:15:03,719 --> 00:15:04,918
What is that?
348
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:07,621
Well, it's a supernatural
Phenomenon.
349
00:15:07,690 --> 00:15:10,491
What is that, stupid
Unnatural phenomenonon?
350
00:15:10,559 --> 00:15:13,927
Well, some people
Would say ghosts.
351
00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:16,597
Ahh, now you're
Talking my language.
352
00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:19,066
When are you going to
Learn to talk my language?
353
00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:20,901
I know all about ghosts.
354
00:15:20,970 --> 00:15:23,770
In the old country, the
Houses were full of them.
355
00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:27,574
Oh, come on. There's
No such thing.
356
00:15:27,643 --> 00:15:29,676
Don't you believe in ghosts?
357
00:15:29,745 --> 00:15:30,945
Certainly not.
358
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:32,646
Then say her name.
359
00:15:32,715 --> 00:15:35,483
Well, I'm not saying her name
360
00:15:35,551 --> 00:15:37,596
Just to prove to you
That I'm not afraid.
361
00:15:37,620 --> 00:15:39,820
Then why aren't you saying it?
362
00:15:39,889 --> 00:15:41,367
Well, I'm not
Saying it because...
363
00:15:43,326 --> 00:15:44,403
Well, who's that?
364
00:15:45,928 --> 00:15:47,961
Well, it couldn't
Be you-know-who,
365
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,463
Because she wouldn't be honking,
366
00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:51,165
She would walk right
Through the walls.
367
00:15:51,234 --> 00:15:52,666
Oh, for...
368
00:15:58,508 --> 00:16:01,442
All right, what are you
Blowing the horn for?
369
00:16:01,511 --> 00:16:03,810
Mr. Douglas, have you signed up
370
00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:05,824
With a real estate agent yet?
371
00:16:05,848 --> 00:16:06,914
Real estate agent?
372
00:16:06,982 --> 00:16:08,427
Yeah. You're putting your place
373
00:16:08,451 --> 00:16:10,384
Up for sale, ain't you?
374
00:16:10,453 --> 00:16:12,753
What for?
375
00:16:12,821 --> 00:16:16,823
I heard you was having
Trouble with you-know-who.
376
00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:18,025
When you lived here,
377
00:16:18,094 --> 00:16:21,695
Did any strange
Things ever happen?
378
00:16:21,764 --> 00:16:25,199
We had a new year's
Eve party one time...
379
00:16:25,268 --> 00:16:29,103
No. I mean, things that
You couldn't explain.
380
00:16:29,172 --> 00:16:30,837
Such as?
381
00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:34,442
Well, did you ever
Notice a wrinkled old hag
382
00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:37,144
Looking at you in the mirror
When you were shaving?
383
00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:40,414
No, but my wife always did.
384
00:16:40,483 --> 00:16:44,718
Mr. Douglas, why did you
Have to stir all this up?
385
00:16:44,787 --> 00:16:46,587
I just wanted to
Write a folk song.
386
00:16:46,655 --> 00:16:48,133
Well, why don't you write one
387
00:16:48,157 --> 00:16:49,768
About william jennings bryan?
388
00:16:49,792 --> 00:16:51,537
He wouldn't give you no trouble.
389
00:16:51,561 --> 00:16:52,493
Oh, I don't...
390
00:16:52,562 --> 00:16:56,197
Or louis pasture.
Or what's-his-name.
391
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:59,500
Look, mr. Haney...
Who's what's-his-name?
392
00:16:59,569 --> 00:17:01,435
That's you-know-who's uncle.
393
00:17:01,504 --> 00:17:03,504
Now, there's a story!
394
00:17:03,573 --> 00:17:06,006
Yeah? What is it?
395
00:17:06,075 --> 00:17:08,187
Mr. Douglas, ain't you
Havin' enough trouble
396
00:17:08,211 --> 00:17:09,843
With you-know-who
397
00:17:09,912 --> 00:17:11,923
Without tangling
With what's-his-name?
398
00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:14,047
Just tell me the story.
399
00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:15,182
Of what?
400
00:17:15,251 --> 00:17:17,218
About molly turgiss!
401
00:17:22,925 --> 00:17:24,391
Now you did it.
402
00:17:31,434 --> 00:17:34,401
I'll have to walk all
The way into pixley.
403
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:35,402
Pixley?
404
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:37,782
Yeah, she always
Drives it up there
405
00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:40,407
And parks in front
Of the fire hydrant.
406
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,543
Come on, you don't believe that!
407
00:17:42,612 --> 00:17:43,944
Believe what?
408
00:17:44,013 --> 00:17:47,414
Oh, that you-know-who
Drove off in his truck.
409
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:48,415
She did?
410
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:52,520
No, she didn't!
She... There's no...
411
00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:06,700
Ha ha! Just passed molly
Driving haney's truck.
412
00:18:06,769 --> 00:18:08,269
You said she didn't.
413
00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:09,970
Oh, she didn't!
414
00:18:10,039 --> 00:18:12,118
Well, mr. Kimball
Just said he saw her.
415
00:18:12,142 --> 00:18:15,176
Oh, I didn't see her. I
Don't think I saw her.
416
00:18:15,245 --> 00:18:18,279
No, I didn't see her.
Can't see old molly.
417
00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:20,781
Stole haney's truck
Again, huh? Ha ha!
418
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,850
Ol' molly's quite a character.
419
00:18:22,918 --> 00:18:25,030
Somebody ought to write
A solk fong about her.
420
00:18:25,054 --> 00:18:27,455
Yes, that's what I'd like to do,
421
00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:28,756
But nobody'll talk about her.
422
00:18:28,824 --> 00:18:30,158
They won't even
Mention her name.
423
00:18:30,226 --> 00:18:31,592
Who, molly turgiss?
424
00:18:31,661 --> 00:18:32,661
Aren't you afraid?
425
00:18:32,728 --> 00:18:34,507
Normally, but
It'll take ol' molly
426
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:36,830
An hour to walk
Back from pixley.
427
00:18:36,899 --> 00:18:38,633
What is her story?
428
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:41,202
Well, it's pretty gruesome.
429
00:18:41,271 --> 00:18:43,037
Well, it's not gruesome.
430
00:18:43,105 --> 00:18:45,673
I've seen more horrible
Things at the drive-in movie.
431
00:18:45,741 --> 00:18:48,342
In the cars, not on the screen.
432
00:18:48,411 --> 00:18:50,178
What happened to her?
433
00:18:50,246 --> 00:18:52,180
What happened to her?
434
00:18:52,248 --> 00:18:54,126
Well, let's see if I
Can tell the story
435
00:18:54,150 --> 00:18:55,849
In chronological order.
436
00:18:55,918 --> 00:18:57,951
No, I don't think I
Can tell it that way.
437
00:18:58,020 --> 00:19:00,054
I don't care how you tell it,
438
00:19:00,122 --> 00:19:02,756
Just tell it before she
Gets back from pixley!
439
00:19:02,825 --> 00:19:04,025
What did she go to pixley for?
440
00:19:05,428 --> 00:19:08,663
Oh! Well, anyway, molly
Was a very ugly child
441
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,242
And grew up to be a
Horrible looking woman.
442
00:19:10,266 --> 00:19:11,832
The poor thing.
443
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:14,368
Yeah. Nobody'd have
Anything to do with her.
444
00:19:14,437 --> 00:19:17,071
Kids used to hide in their
House when she'd walk by,
445
00:19:17,139 --> 00:19:18,317
People'd draw their shades,
446
00:19:18,341 --> 00:19:21,975
Dogs would... No,
Dogs liked her.
447
00:19:22,044 --> 00:19:24,144
She was shaped
Like a dog biscuit.
448
00:19:24,214 --> 00:19:27,548
You've made your
Point. She was very ugly.
449
00:19:27,617 --> 00:19:28,982
Yes, she was.
450
00:19:29,051 --> 00:19:31,285
Never had a boyfriend,
Nobody'd take her out.
451
00:19:31,354 --> 00:19:33,321
Well, this one fellow
Did take her out.
452
00:19:33,389 --> 00:19:35,590
It was my
Great-great-grandfather.
453
00:19:35,658 --> 00:19:38,158
Yeah, he got stuck
With her on a blind date.
454
00:19:38,228 --> 00:19:40,127
She showed up with
This stringy hair...
455
00:19:40,196 --> 00:19:42,129
Wrinkles? No teeth?
456
00:19:42,198 --> 00:19:44,298
Oh, you got stuck with her, too?
457
00:19:44,367 --> 00:19:48,202
No. I thought I saw her in
The mirror when I was shaving.
458
00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:51,972
Oh, yeah. Molly's a
Great shaving watcher.
459
00:19:52,041 --> 00:19:54,675
What finally happened to her?
460
00:19:54,744 --> 00:19:57,645
Well, nobody'd talk to
Her, nobody'd look at her,
461
00:19:57,714 --> 00:20:00,281
So finally one day
She left town and...
462
00:20:00,350 --> 00:20:01,993
But she said she'd
Come back some day
463
00:20:02,017 --> 00:20:04,129
And haunt anybody
Whoever mentioned her name.
464
00:20:04,153 --> 00:20:06,287
What a sad story.
465
00:20:06,356 --> 00:20:08,922
She was uglied out of town.
466
00:20:08,991 --> 00:20:11,459
Yeah. That's why
Everybody's afraid
467
00:20:11,527 --> 00:20:12,860
To mention molly turgiss.
468
00:20:15,931 --> 00:20:18,666
Uh-oh. You-know-who is back.
469
00:20:20,336 --> 00:20:22,236
It's no use. I've got the keys.
470
00:20:24,274 --> 00:20:25,484
Well, it could have been worse.
471
00:20:25,508 --> 00:20:27,586
You should have
Seen the bill I got
472
00:20:27,610 --> 00:20:30,745
For the bodywork
Last time. Oh, boy.
473
00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:34,348
That poor woman,
Everybody making fun of her.
474
00:20:34,417 --> 00:20:37,485
Nobody liked her
Except the dogs.
475
00:20:37,553 --> 00:20:39,131
Don't you worry about molly.
476
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:40,866
If only I could talk to her.
477
00:20:40,890 --> 00:20:43,957
Well, that's easy.
Just mention her name...
478
00:20:44,026 --> 00:20:46,294
When you're shaving.
479
00:20:53,269 --> 00:20:55,169
Molly!
480
00:20:55,237 --> 00:20:58,038
Molly turgiss.
481
00:21:00,610 --> 00:21:02,443
Molly turgiss!
482
00:21:07,583 --> 00:21:11,719
Hello, there! I
Want to talk to you.
483
00:21:11,788 --> 00:21:14,021
You're not there.
484
00:21:17,393 --> 00:21:19,893
Oh, you're only there.
485
00:21:19,962 --> 00:21:22,797
Can you talk?
486
00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:25,633
Can you listen?
487
00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:28,336
I want to tell
You how sorry I am
488
00:21:28,404 --> 00:21:31,071
The way they treated you here.
489
00:21:31,140 --> 00:21:33,774
Well, there is nothing
To be sad about.
490
00:21:33,843 --> 00:21:35,776
You're only as ugly as you look.
491
00:21:38,815 --> 00:21:41,716
When you were an
Ugly little child in 1822,
492
00:21:41,784 --> 00:21:44,318
They didn't have all these
Things to make you beautiful
493
00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:50,090
Like wrinkle remover,
Skin younger-upper,
494
00:21:50,159 --> 00:21:54,228
Eyes prettier, hair un-stringer.
495
00:21:54,296 --> 00:21:58,131
Of course, all this stuff
Belongs to my sister.
496
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:02,302
Anyway, with this, I could
Show you how to be beautiful.
497
00:22:02,372 --> 00:22:03,637
Would you like that?
498
00:22:06,242 --> 00:22:07,675
Then you must promise me
499
00:22:07,744 --> 00:22:09,910
Not to throw things
At people anymore.
500
00:22:09,979 --> 00:22:13,547
Promise?
501
00:22:13,616 --> 00:22:15,850
All right, let's go to work.
502
00:22:19,639 --> 00:22:20,639
You did what?!
503
00:22:20,690 --> 00:22:23,858
I talked to her. I
Made her beautiful.
504
00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:25,604
Well, not beautiful, but...
505
00:22:25,628 --> 00:22:28,095
Look, honey, I have
Had a peculiar day...
506
00:22:28,163 --> 00:22:30,242
Darling, she promised
Not to throw things
507
00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:32,332
At people anymore. Watch.
508
00:22:32,402 --> 00:22:35,636
Molly turgiss! Molly turgiss!
509
00:22:35,705 --> 00:22:39,407
See? You try it.
510
00:22:39,475 --> 00:22:42,309
Molly turgiss?
511
00:22:42,378 --> 00:22:45,913
See, all it needed
Was kind words
512
00:22:45,981 --> 00:22:48,682
And 2 jars of cold cream.
513
00:22:48,751 --> 00:22:50,718
See, all it took
Was a little kindness
514
00:22:50,787 --> 00:22:53,454
And a couple of
Jars of cold cream.
515
00:22:53,523 --> 00:22:55,255
Fred: are you trying to tell us
516
00:22:55,324 --> 00:22:57,792
That you-know-who ain't
Gonna bother us no more?
517
00:22:57,860 --> 00:23:03,363
You can mention her
Name. Molly turgiss.
518
00:23:03,433 --> 00:23:05,733
You see, everything
Is all right.
519
00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:07,635
I've written a folk
Song about her.
520
00:23:07,703 --> 00:23:09,770
the ballad of molly turgiss.
521
00:23:09,839 --> 00:23:11,338
I'll sing it for you.
522
00:23:11,407 --> 00:23:13,541
I thought you said
Everything was all right.
523
00:23:13,609 --> 00:23:18,211
♪ this is the ballad
Of ugly old molly ♪
524
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:21,949
♪ ugly as sin, by
Golly, by golly ♪
525
00:23:22,017 --> 00:23:24,452
♪ by golly, by
Golly, as ugly as sin ♪
526
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:27,254
♪ by golly, by
Golly, as ugly as sin ♪
527
00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:32,225
♪ then she met lisa,
Who came from the city ♪
528
00:23:32,294 --> 00:23:37,030
♪ who said, don't you
Worry, I'll make you pretty ♪
529
00:23:37,099 --> 00:23:39,867
♪ you can't, says
Molly, I'm ugly, by golly ♪
530
00:23:39,936 --> 00:23:41,647
♪ by golly, by golly,
By golly, by golly ♪
531
00:23:41,671 --> 00:23:44,872
♪ by golly, by
Golly, I'm ugly as sin ♪
532
00:23:44,941 --> 00:23:48,576
♪ by golly ♪
533
00:23:48,644 --> 00:23:50,578
♪ oh, molly has... ♪
534
00:23:50,646 --> 00:23:52,713
Hello, miss turgiss!
535
00:23:52,782 --> 00:23:56,083
Oh, you look beautiful.
536
00:23:56,151 --> 00:24:00,087
Do you hear the song my
Husband wrote about you?
537
00:24:00,155 --> 00:24:01,789
It isn't very good,
538
00:24:01,858 --> 00:24:04,424
But at least they
Won't forget you.
539
00:24:04,494 --> 00:24:07,394
Now, you go wherever
You're supposed to go
540
00:24:07,463 --> 00:24:09,129
And have a nice time.
541
00:24:12,635 --> 00:24:14,935
Oh, you promised.
542
00:24:17,373 --> 00:24:19,613
Well, all right.
543
00:24:19,642 --> 00:24:21,375
Just this one.
544
00:24:22,812 --> 00:24:26,881
♪ oh, molly's no longer
An ugly old crone ♪
545
00:24:26,949 --> 00:24:34,187
♪ now she's as pretty
As molly malone ♪
546
00:24:41,030 --> 00:24:43,263
Lisa! You said that...
547
00:24:43,332 --> 00:24:45,933
Well, she just wanted
One for the road.
548
00:24:52,207 --> 00:24:55,091
Captioning made possible
By mgm home entertainment
549
00:25:04,003 --> 00:25:07,003
Captioned by the national
Captioning institute... Www.Ncicap.Org...